In our first blog of this two part series, we talked about the 5 key factors for dating success and the importance of preparation. In this blog, we’re going to discuss the remaining 3 factors: time, opportunity, and luck.
In one of my favorite books, Outliers, author Malcolm Gladwell said that you need about 10,000 hours of practice to achieve something major, and I think it’s true for dating. If you’re just starting to date, understand that it can take some time, perhaps years, before meeting the right person. You need all the time you can get. And that means:
- Making dating a priority. When I decided that I was ready to settle down and find a relationship, I decided that I was not going to pursue a management position at work for a few years, knowing the extra time commitment working after hours would eat up my time dating. I have the rest of my life to work, but I only had a certain window of time to date and get this right. After I married Alena, I pursued and landed a management position.
- Dating efficiently. In other words, don’t waste time dating the wrong people, and increase as much time as you can dating people who match you and what you’re looking for. It’s not just about the quantity of dates, it’s about getting a high quantity of quality dates. In my last year of being single and by the time I met Alena, my dating efficiency was high. I knew what I wanted and didn’t want, and was able to turn down girls who were incompatible from the first conversation or first date, even attractive one’s, and focus my energy towards girls who had similar interests and goals in life.
- Online dating- I dated some really good girls in eHarmony and found the girls there to be more serious about a relationship. My friends have also done well getting dates and even finding the one with OkCupid and Coffee Meets Bagel.
- Taking a class- it can be about cooking, exercise, art, dance, the list goes on…
- Meetup.com – I found meet up to be great because there are so many different meetups to explore, and often there are always new people joining meetup. I met Alena through a meetup.
- Going to alumni events- you already have an ice breaker, and a bit of a filter by education level
- Create your own opportunities and expand your social circle- make single friends around your age everywhere you go, and start organizing get togethers and ask them to invite other friends. Say yes to their get togethers.
- Religious, community, volunteer groups- this is good if you’re genuinely interested in the organization itself and want to meet someone with those interests, otherwise, you don’t want to be that person that joins just to meet singles
In the end, finding love is something that is not completely in our control. There is an element of luck or destiny that leads you to meet someone, and there’s no way to control that. But if you're prepared, make the effort to increase your opportunities and put yourself out there long enough, more luck will appear to come your way.
Strategy for Love, Strategy for Life
The formula above is not just applicable to dating, it’s a formula that can be applied to achieving major life goals. You can apply the same concepts to finding a dream job, starting a business, or getting in shape. You still need a sense of what you want and don't want to do, a committed effort to improving yourself, win small victories, and as much time and opportunity as you can get.
If you apply yourself to the five factors above in other situations, you’re not only to going to find love, you’re going to find success in your life overall. This blog is not about taking someone and teaching them cheesy pickup lines or cheap tricks to try to attract a date. This blog is about building awesome, successful, confident people so that the dates are attracted to you.
There are No Shortcuts in Love
Lastly, if you've read both blogs up to this point, you might disagree that finding love takes all this effort, or is something to achieve with a strategy. Truth is, it may be easy to get a hook up or to land a date, but when it comes to dating to find the right person, it takes time, hard work, commitment, emotional resilience, and a healthy sense of humor. And finding someone to spend the rest of your life with in my opinion is the single most important decision you'll make, and one of the hardest things to do. If there's anything you need a strategy for and not just wing, it's love.